Ten rude things to say to a working mother?

Merry belated Christmas to me and a happy new year

This is a posted I have been trying to write for two weeks and this being the final day of 2015 I wanted to post it. Not because I am totally there yet but because I am a work in progress, because I am not perfect and thats ok. My hope is that by putting this out there it will help it manifest into a truth.
 

How guilt makes me feel.

Well year we are the school year is officially over all the dance concerts are done all the home made rocky road delivered to teachers. Christmas is done and dusted, I ate my weight in ham and turkey. 

As I have been busy buying everyone the toy they must have, the scooter they want, the book they have hinted for. Among all the rushing of the end of the year I have been thinking about what I want. What I want what I really really want and its not a ziggy zig ahhh.

I want to be free from guilt. The guilt I inflict on myself, the guilt I feel about not being the perfect mother. The guilt I feel about not being the perfect wife, the guilt I feel because I forget to txt and friend back, the 'I am not who they want me to be guilt'.  The guilt I feel because my arse is still fat even though I promised myself I would make it smaller in 2015. So my Christmas present to myself is to accept myself, faults and all. To accept that I enjoy working and that I can't be in two places at once. So when I am working and enjoying it that it just as ok as when I am at home refusing to think about work because I have a tea party to attend with two little ladies.

Love'n life with my boy

I am giving myself permission to not feel guilty that my three year old only wants to eat plain pasta and bananas for dinner and I let my kids play in a mud pit the call the mine. I am no longer going to compete in the pissing contest of motherhood how make bake the best cake, make the best costume and through the most perfectly themed party. I will love my kids with all that I have and give them all that I can and I will not feel guilty that I wont to hold back a little bit of me all just for me.

I am acknowledging that I am aging at that is ok! Its ok that I can see lines around my eyes and that I now need to wear lip liner or my lipstick bleeds. Its ok that I haven't done everything on my life list its ridiculously long. I wont feel guilty about what I haven't and can't do,rather I will celebrate what I have done and rejoices in what I am doing.

I am perfectly imperfect. 

2016 hold exciting adventures, moments to strengthen me, moments to celebrate and moments to reflect on. And I can't wait to see how the story continues.    

 

Hello

Hello lets talk about Adele, first she is clearly very talented and very beautiful but what is with her new song Hello? Now if you have been under a rock or avoid popular music you may not have hear it so follow the link and listen then we can really talk.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQHsXMglC9A 


I think that lots of people are imagining themselves as Adele when they belt this out in there cars but I can't stop from adding in mentally the things I would say if a long lost lover phoned me up saying this stuff.

Hello, it's me
oh yes I remember you, its been a while
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
Really?
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing
Hello, can you hear me
Yep...just wasn't sure what to say its a bit awkward you phoned
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet
Yep it was a loooong time ago we have both changed a lot

There's such a difference between us
And a million miles
We seem to be in very different places now, I'm actually really happy with my life, sorry your not

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
Are you the one who phones and hangs up, please stop
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done
Don't worry I'm totally fine, I'm really ok that we broke up
But when I call you never seem to be home
I was probably out with my lovely family
Hello from the outside
Are you just outside, are you watching me? its feels a bit creepy
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart
Its ok I'm not heartbroken I was only really sad about a week its fine now
But it don't matter it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore
No it really doesn't I'm sorry you seem so sad

Hello, how are you
It's so typical of me to talk about myself I'm sorry
I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened 
Yeah I moved away but then I moved back I actually really like it hear now. Close to all my friends and family

It's no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time
What do you mean? I'm only in my 30's I've got lots of years a head

I have to go...take care...bye...don't call me again

I do really like the song but I think that because I don't have any big heart break from long ago that I don't truly resonate with the song. I do especially like the version she did with Jimmy Fallon.
Anyway hope your all happy and no one is feeling too heart broken.

War what is it good for

With ANZAC day upon us and this being the 100th anniversary of the landing at Gallipoli we are all pausing to think about what it means to us.

Now please don't get me wrong, don't think me ungrateful or un-Australian. But when I stop and think about what happened on those jaggeder cliffs in a place that we wouldn't speak of if it wasn't for the blood shed there I don't think of our heroes, I think of wasted lives. I don't find any comfort or pride in thinking about young men who were sent to their deaths because of a mistake. A mistake that was repeated and prolonged because men in far off offices who would never muddy their boots with the dirt and the blood because they didn't want to admit that a mistake had occurred.

I understand that I am in no way educated on these matters and I very much do not want to offend people whose family sufficed on the battle field.  When I talk with master 9 who is so interested and a little excited by all the talk of war. I always talk of the waste, loss and pointlessness of war. I want him to understand the pointlessness of war.

The lesson that I hope my children learn and never ever forget is that war is hideous. It steals lives, destroys families, decimates  generations and should be avoided at all cost.

Having said that I am extremely grateful for the amazing men and women who place themselves in danger to protect the rest of us. 

I have a German friend who is about my age and she told me once that she feels that its her generations job to remember what can happen if people don't question and blindly follow so that something like the holocaust never happens again. And of course she is right.

So Least We Forget.

Lest We Forget the fallen,

Lest We Forget the waste,

Lest We Forget the broken,

Lest We Forget the destroyed.

Because I find it very hard to see glory in men shooting each other and I hope my children never have to live through a war like it.   

   

The end of and era

No no dear reader I am not announcing the retirement of my blog. I am in what I believe will be the final days of breast feeding. sniff. For four years I have either been with child or feeding or both. And whilst I'm some what excited to finally feel like I get my body back. I'm also thinking about what this body now looks like, all that I have put in thru in the last few years.

It is a strange feeling too because whilst being pregnant and breast feeding can both be a drain its also a beautiful part of your life. I wouldn't say that I am the earth mother that I dreamed I would be but I have also found a sense  of purpose and a love for my body that I never had before I was a mother. Despite the vomit, sleepless nights and worry I have loved having babies and I can't really believe that I am at the end of the baby days.

A close friend said the meanest thing the other day about my youngest, she called her a toddler. Now whilst my baby is 14 months old and has taken a few steps I'm not ready to no longer have a baby. So my baby girl she will stay a little longer.

Its not even that I am thinking off planning for or dreaming of another baby. (Four children seems a whole new level of parenting that I'm not sure I am capable of). But it does seem sad to think that I will never feel another baby growing inside me or have those dreamy first days getting to know your baby or the excitement and wonder as they discover everything for the first time.

So as these baby days end a new chapter opens which has a whole other set of exciting and wonderful attached to it. I'm looking forward to regularly going to bed and sleeping the whole night through, I'm looking forward to having more time to spending teaching my big kids how to make great food or the ease (or easier) outings as it shouldn't be too far off that we are nappy free. I'm looking forward to regaining a bit of me and discovering what the me with three kids is really like. The past year has been so busy.   

2015 for me was always planned to be a year about me. A year that I improve my health. Not so that I can look hot or get back into those bathers I wore in my skinny summer but to improve my health so that I can be the best version on me. A bit like one of those bupa adds, I'd like to be the healthier one. So I'm on my quest to feel better, eat better and move more and to be kinder to myself. 

 

 

For what its worth I do not condemn you

I feel compelled to share my thoughts and feelings about Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumarun for pretty selfish reasons, I can't stop thinking about them. And despite having meet the two of them tears fill my eyes when I think of how they and their families must be feeling. My sleep has been interrupted as I have had several dreams of them in the past few weeks. But its not just Andrew and Myuran who fill my thoughts its their families, their friends and surprisingly perhaps, the people directly responsible for their execution.

Now in all honesty I have never been in favor of capital punishment. There are so many reasons I am totally against capital punishment. However in the end I come to a very child like conclusion, two wrongs don't make a right. You will never get a positive from  negative one minus negative one.
I can not reconcile in my mind how someone pulls the trigger on a healthy unarmed person who has pleaded for mercy. I do not understand how that is ok and I don't understand or believe that such an event wouldn't strip you of your humanity. 

I believe in redemption and mercy. I believe that people deserve second chances. From all reports these two men have shown that they are remorseful for what they have done and made ever effort to improve themselves.

I feel so incredibly powerless in situations like these. I'm just one woman sitting comfortably in the suburbs feeling heart broken for Andrew  and Myuran as well as their families. For what it is worth I do not condemn these men, I do not think badly of them and I pray that in the coming hours and days that God's peace is with because I do not believe he condemns them either.

As the beautiful Meshel Lawrie said 'while there is life there is hope'. I will be continuing to pray that justice is done and I would encourage however who express your deepest hopes that you do that for these two men. 

 

So this is Christmas

So here we are and its Christmas eve. I am happy to say that all my shopping is done and I am where I wanted to be be with preparations for tomorrow, don't you just hate me. Apart from not having blogged about my Christmas crafts I'm pretty happy with everything.

I have had some time to think about gift giving. not just the physical stuff that we exchange around this time of year. But for me the love, care and memories are what is really wonderful about this time of year.

The princess dresses

When I think back to all my Christmas memories I actually can't remember most of what I have been given or gave. What I do remember is the love. I remember the year my Nana made my sister and I princess dress. Or the year that I was at the local shopping center and a clown painted my face with the most amazing butterfly. I remember Christmas day with my cousins eating to many lollies and hearing my Mum, aunty and Nana fussing in the kitchen.

Joseph and Mary

I hope as the years and flying by I am giving my children as happy memories that I have. They are defiantly giving me wonderful memories of waking up early to their excited faces and they excitedly cry 'Santa has been'. The year I was pregnant with my third baby and being asked to play the Virgin Mary. Christmas cooking and craft with my kiddies, The older I get the more I realize and understand its not about the stuff which is ironic for a blogger who blogs about making stuff. In the end it all comes down to love. The love that we display and share with each other.

So yes its Christmas eve and all the shopping is done, food prep underway. I just have one more gift to organize and its one for myself. I have decided that it is time that I was kinder to myself. I am going to talk more kindly to myself, be proud of my accomplishments and accepting of my failures. I will believe in myself and follow my heart. I will forget about the silly details and embrace what is truly important. And when I struggle to do all these things I pick have a cup of tea and remember that I can always try again.

Marry  Christmas, I hope that your day is filled with love and joy. I am looking forward to sharing many more post in 2015 xxx 
 

 

my Christmas angel